Psalm 73: 26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion.
There are days when my body is willing but my heart is not in the game and there are days when my heart says go and my body refuses to suit up. But there are the days when both of these worlds collide. These are the worst.
Today my body is tired and so is my heart. It is the second day after a fibromyalgia flare and I am recovering. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I pick up the list of things I wanted to get done today and with a sigh throw it back on the kitchen table. I walk back into my bedroom and see my sweet little dog Sassy sleeping soundly on my bed totally oblivious to any of this. Is God trying to tell me something?
What has God given me the strength to do today? Work, rest, play, read, pray or just be. It is a vicious cycle for me sometimes. When I am in pain I cannot work, but when I feel a bit better, I try to do catch up and then I end up in pain again. Of all the things I have had to learn this is the most difficult. But I know God’s heart and He reminds me again that He is for me not against me. His lap will always be ready to receive me just as I am. He is intimately acquainted with my struggle. He is my portion, my inheritance.
I have taken the to do list and tucked it in my Bible. I won’t lie and say I won’t take it out and look at it again, but maybe today is the day I will lay my burdens down and really trust God with my life. Maybe today I will rely on Him and not myself to make a way where there doesn’t seem to be one. Maybe today this verse will truly become my portion. Help me Father to believe.
Catherine Barron lives in Sheridan, Montana with her daughter Laura. She is semi retired and enjoys reading, writing and her new passion photography. Catherine considers her illness a formidable teacher
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